New Year? Lets Procrastinate Together!!! ^~^

hey howdy-hey! my minions/minionettes/ other-non-gender-specific-butt-hurt-entities
welcome to another edition of Everyday Epiphanies!! sorry for my inexplicable tardiness, i know i know! i really should write more often and a hell lot more consistently.
can you believe it .. its been a whole year now :0

( I mean a whole year of 2015 .. not like I've been blogging diligently for the past one year or anything *blushing emoji*)

So It's 2016 and i thought i should try and revive my age old secrets to coming up with the perfect New Year's Resolutions, but then as luck would have it.. i had a sudden Epiphany

well...yeaa.. whatever ._.

I know what ya'll are thinking, bear with me. this "epiphany" thing is going to get old real soon. but until then its all I've got for ya :p 

back to the matter at hand... so instead of mapping, planning and charting out goals to achieve this year ...

(that both you and I know for a fact you aren't going to follow through come valentine's day xD)

....you should in fact be following my go-to guide for the Quintessential New Year's Eve Procrastinator!!!

....because resolutions are meant for unrealistic dweebs like me to achieve while sitting on a reclining chair watching endless re-runs of  "How I Met Your Mother" :)

 I WISH I HAD A RECLINING CHAIR  *sigh*

so without further ado.. here is my-

 Go-To Guide for the Quintessential New Year's Eve Procrastinator!!!

 #1 The hours transpired before the said New Year

so all your friends are out partying? MEH. let me give it to you straight.lets face it-

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE A FLURRY OF SHAKY LIGHTS AND FLASHES OF YOUR DRUNK FRIENDS LIMBS WHILE SOME  DJ BLASTS CRAPPY MUSIC ON YOUR SNAP STORY THE NEXT DAY -_-

So spare everyone the trouble and just Netflix and chill like a BAWSE  on new years eve. Or crawl into bed early and have an eating binge because:

a) you're going to have to teach yourself how to violate your "go-on-a-diet" resolution anyway

b) why not?! 

#2 The final countdown

If you started humming the tune to that, I salute you xD

anyway if and when people start getting hyped up about said countdown, posting stuff like the giant ball-drop or kissing in times square on instagram, know that you are .... FOREVER ALONE and there's nothing you can do about it except ...

#3 Social media fixation

...which brings me to no. 3 

once realization dawns upon you that you're forever alone, start going through all the trending hashtags worlwide like:

 #funnight #newyearsevejam #placestovisitin2k16 #youarealone  

AND BINGE WATCH BUZZFEED VIDEOS .. trust me you won't regret it. here's one I watched that made me feel like an even more broke, bedazzled 16 year old that I am.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pxdH8gojJc

#5 Sleep till 12:00 pm the next day

It's a win-win all around. So sleep like your life depended on it :)

#6 Fake-resolutions

make a couple of the all important "resolutions" (I suggest you buy a planner for this and make sure everyone's watching you as you write them down) Then stare at them for the next 5 minutes and decide they aren't worth it and go finish a jar of nutella instead. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT THE SIMPLE THINGS like scrapping potentially life-altering resolutions :) 

however I have heard that many a drug/smoke addicts lives have been changed post drafting of said new year resolutions. so if you are an addict of some sort I suggest you make a few resolutions (A FEW REAL ONES) pronto.

 (unless you're addicted to this stuff)

#7 Bragging like a BAWSE

and whens it's all said and done, go to your "friends" the next day (or sometime during the said new year, the earlier the better mind you!) and enlighten them upon what a fruitful and amazing New Year's Eve you had. all alone. in the dark. with your bag of chips/coke/nutella 

ok you might not want to tell them about that last bit

and that's about it folks! I hope you found my guide fairly useful :p let me know in the comments if you did any of the things I mentioned  LAST new year's eve (still can't believe it's 2016 :0)

A VERY LATE AND TACTFULLY PLACED DISCLAIMER

 Know that most things said here are strictly prerogative to procrastinators worldwide and should not be taken seriously by legit Party Go-er's and/or Butt-hurt people. as always i love ya'll loads <3 thank you for reading! 

also my new year resolution is to write once a week, all year. NO MATTER WHAT

yea right :P

Until next time,

your procrastinator-in-arms

Maria